POST TABOO....

by allison langer

so, the taboo episode came out yesterday. i hosted it and produced it with andrea. but instead of me taking the backseat to her, like i usually do, i led us through this episode. i wrote the script and made the final cuts. it was fun and exhausting, and it felt good to be directing an episode. but this episode is raunchy and sexual. it’s revealing and deeply personal. now that it’s out there, i’m out there, i’m having an oversharing hangover.

the last guy i had sex with texted me, “now i know why you were so horny that weekend….u just got waxed.” my dad got a new iphone. i subscribed him to writing class radio, but i didn’t download this episode. last night, i woke up at 4am in a panic. HOLY SHIT, what have i done?

when i shared the story of my daughter’s death, it was emotional and draining. i didn’t want pity and i didn’t want to discuss it. but when friends told me how much they appreciated knowing the full story, how much it helped them through their own losses, i felt better about sharing my story. in regards to the latest episode, i have not yet heard from any of my good friends. an old neighbor emailed this about her 2 yr old daughter: The 5 point harness is her BFF and she calls it ... wait for it ... WEIWEI. A recent line is "I doin' weiwei, it's good for my body."

we’ll see how the rest of the day goes…as people listen to the episode. i’m nervous and excited. i know this discomfort will pass, like everything. it’s my first step in becoming amy schumer. i want to not care what people think of my oversharing…or my open honesty…or of my wanting to be free from taboo bullshit.

my 10 year old son told me that his favorite number is 69. WTF?  he said if you take the filter off the ipad and google 69, crazy stuff comes up. i did it. i expected to see naked people graphically going at it. the pictures are very pg-13, so i was less horrified after the search. but i guess i need to have a chat with him now. find out what he thinks it is. explain what i think he should think it is. i’m scared and uncomfortable. i’d like to avoid it. that would be easier than talking about oral sex with my children. feels taboo….