Show Notes Episode 158: My Dead Mother Brings My Sister and Me Together Once a Year
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Today on our show, we bring you a story by Maxine Poupko. Maxine’s story is a great example of character development, showing the tiny details in a complex relationship, and bringing the reader into a different world. Maxine wrote this story for the Writing Class Radio retreat in February 2023. The story was workshopped and refined with feedback and encouragement from the group. If you have a strained relationship with a member of your family, this episode is for you!
Maxine Poupko is a writer, a registered nurse, and a health advocate. She teaches writing workshops at the International Women’s Writing Guild summer conferences. Her stories have been published in The Sun and the book, A Waist is a Terrible Thing to Mind, by Jan Phillips. Maxine is a student of Writing Class Radio, which she says is her favorite thing to do.
Writing Class Radio is hosted by Allison Langer and Andrea Askowitz. Audio production by Matt Cundill, Evan Surminski, Chloe Emond-Lane, and Aiden Glassey at the Sound Off Media Company. Theme music is by Marnino Toussaint.
There’s more writing class on our website including stories we study, editing resources, video classes, writing retreats, and live online classes. Join our writing community by following us on Patreon.
If you want to write with us every week, you can join our First Draft weekly writers groups. You have the option to join me on Tuesdays 12-1 ET and/or Thursdays with Eduardo Winck 8-9pm ET. You’ll write to a prompt and share what you wrote. If you’re a business owner, community activist, group that needs healing, entrepreneur and you want to help your team write better, check out all the classes we offer on our website, writingclassradio.com.
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There’s no better way to understand ourselves and each other, than by writing and sharing our stories. Everyone has a story. What’s yours?
If you would like a transcript of the episode read below:
0:00:01 - Speaker 1
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0:00:46 - Speaker 3
I'm Andrea Askewitz, I'm Allison Langer, and this is Writing Class Radio. You'll hear true personal stories and learn how to write your own stories. Together, we produce this podcast, which is Equal Parts Heart and Art. By heart, we mean the truth in a story. By art, we mean the craft of writing. No matter what's going on in our lives, Writing Class is where we tell the truth. It's where we work at our shit. There's no place in the world like Writing Class, and we want to bring you in.
0:01:17 - Speaker 4
Okay, so today on our show we're bringing you a story by Maxine Poopko, otherwise known as Poop. I'm going to give you a little bio of Maxine, but before I do I just wanted to give you a little hint about what this story is about, and I feel like this story is a brilliant example of taking the listener or the reader into a world, a world that many people do not know. So primarily, that's what I feel like it's about, but it's also about relationships and character development and, without a rant, you know, like really really showing instead of just telling. So all those things are what you are going to hear in Maxine's story.
Maxine Poupko is a writer, a registered nurse and a health advocate. She teaches writing workshops at the International Women's Writing Guild Summer Conferences, no-transcript, and her stories have been published in the Sun and the book A Waste is a Terrible Thing to Mind by Jan Phillips. Maxine is a student of writing, class radio, which she says is her favorite thing to do. Thank you, maxine, we love you. My favorite thing to do too. Mine too. Back with Maxine's story after the break. For anyone interested in improving your writing first draft, weekly's Writers Group is for you. It's Tuesday's 12 to 1 Eastern Time and Thursday night's 8 to 9 Eastern Time. I teach the one on Tuesday and Eduardo Wink teaches the one. Actually, I wouldn't say teach Facilitates that group on Thursday night, because it is a group, it's a community. We come together to write for 30 minutes, share what we wrote, get feedback and leave inspired. First session always free.
Otherwise $35 a month. That gives you eight full sessions a month. If you are interested in joining first draft, jump on Patreon.
0:03:11 - Speaker 3
Slash Writing Class Radio, a famous writer called Allison Langer once said you'll never know how great your writing is unless you share it at first draft.
0:03:22 - Speaker 4
I love when you quote me MUSIC.
0:03:28 - Speaker 3
There's a new podcast out there called Business as Activism, and it's hosted by my really good friend, the brilliant Elijah Selby. It is thoughtful. It's like you know what we got to change the way we do business in the United States and Elijah Selby tells us how Get Business as Activism wherever you get your podcast MUSIC. We're back. This is Andrea Askowitz and you're listening to Writing Class Radio. Up next is Maxine Poopko reading her story. Once a year, our dead mom unites my sister and me. My sister and I meet yearly at our mother's grave.
0:04:16 - Speaker 5
Our mom has been gone for 33 years. She's buried at Lake Side Memorial, a large Jewish cemetery in Miami. We were raised in tradition and we were raised in the same way. We were raised in traditional Orthodox Judaism, adhering to the many laws and observances. The Sabbath and Jewish holidays were days of rest, going to synagogue and no use of electricity. My mother kept a kosher kitchen complete with two sets of dishes.
When I became an adult, I gradually stopped adhering to the rules. The process of letting go of living a Jewish lifestyle was difficult emotionally. As a child going to a religious school, I believed in the Jewish God, who set up 613 commandments for the Jewish people, and I was taught I would be punished for not following them. The problem, though, was that I couldn't follow the rules. I was hungry on Jewish holidays, when I was supposed to fast for 24 hours, so I snuck food where no one was looking. I left the synagogue to play with friends instead of staying inside and praying. I rebelled against anyone who told me what to do or what not to do. Eventually, I had to follow my own path. I didn't go to synagogue on Sabbath and holidays, I didn't follow all the strict food rules and I dressed the way I wanted to, which was usually jeans and t-shirt instead of the long skirts and wigs the women in my community wore. I desecrated the rules of modesty. I was an outsider to my tribe and became part of a more artistic, free-spirited and creative community of friends.
A sister and I fought a lot as kids. We shared a bedroom. Occasionally we talked and laughed, but mostly we argued. She got me into trouble for leaving tissues on the floor and listening to the radio way past my bedtime. She tattled to our mother and I got hit for misbehaving. I hated my sister for that. We're both grandmothers now.
My sister still maintains the Orthodox Jewish lifestyle like our mom did, other than family deaths and weddings. The only time I see her is when we meet at the cemetery to visit mom. I always have trouble finding my mom's grave. I drive into the cemetery, go straight for two blocks right on Galilee. Is it left at Sinai, mommy? Where are you? I call my sister for directions. She always knows where the grave is. She gets there first. She was more like my mother. Both of them rule followers. I'm sure my mom liked her best. They had more common, enjoyed being in each other's company. My mother and I constantly argued.
My sister was all dressed up and waiting for me at my mother's grave. She wore her religious married woman mandated wig called a shatel. It was stylishly quaffed and had blonde highlights. She wore our mother's diamond earrings, watch and wedding band. A long black skirt and a silky beige top covered her arms. Modesty covering of the body is an important Jewish law. She looked pretty.
I was wearing a short sleeve t-shirt with a logo of a woman running with a wolf and my favorite jeans with holes at the knees. My hair was in a messy ponytail under an old straw hat. I didn't wear any of the jewelry my mother left for me. It wasn't my style. My sneakers were covered in paint from art class.
My sister brought a few little rocks which she placed on top of mom's tombstone, which is a Jewish tradition. Then she opened her black prayer book and began mumbling the prayers for the dead Shaker ha'chayn ve'hevel, ha'yofi Isha'yir at adonai hi'itit halal T'nulam I priyadeha ve'yahal, eluha B'chayarim ma'aseha. I searched the ground for a few rocks. I would have liked to bring a more personal object like the small crystal heart sitting on my bookshelf, but I forgot. I opened my backpack looking for something special. I found a little square candy wrapped in gold foil. Mom loved candy but she rarely allowed herself to eat it. I snuck the treat onto the top of the gravestone and covered it with leaves. I took off my sneakers so I could feel the earth. My sister glanced at me, stopped her prayers and said you can't take your shoes off in a cemetery. You're walking on, mommy. I ignored her. The ground felt cool under my feet. It made me feel closer to my mother. My sister went back to her prayers and I felt good about my contribution to my mom's tombstone. Before exiting the cemetery, we symbolically washed our hands.
There's an old-fashioned water pump for this ritual. Years ago we named it the Helen Keller Pump. As kids my sister and I loved the movie the Miracle Worker. We stood at the pump like always. I washed my hands first and imitated Helen Keller, slowly saying the word water. My sister washed her hands next, saying water. The same way. We suddenly laughed and our laughter just became hysterical. I know making fun of someone with disabilities is mean. I know better. So I'm always ashamed. It's also sacrilegious. So seeing my sister break a rule makes it devious and fun. In those moments at the pump I always feel a deep connection to my sister. All our differences seem to dissolve in the cleansing water and suddenly we are two young little girls, sisters, laughing together.
0:11:47 - Speaker 4
I love this story. I really, really love this story and I really feel her pain, her humor, her torment, the whole thing. I don't know if it's her voice or if it's the way she told the story or wrote the story, but I really get it. She took us into this world and I felt a part of this Orthodox Jewish world and the tradition and the way it just drowned her and just maybe the shame or the how she felt with her sister and her mom. I just felt the whole tension of the whole piece.
0:12:20 - Speaker 3
I thought she did an excellent job with character. I see the narrator's character versus the sister's character Right from the very beginning. She takes us through. Right now. It was like, oh wow, really well done the way she laid out their 613 commandments. The problem though I couldn't follow the rules. She just states it and then she tells us which rules she couldn't follow. She was hungry when she was supposed to fast. She wanted to wear jeans and a t-shirt instead of the wig that she describes her sister in later. We get totally distinct personalities right from the beginning. Love that.
When she's at the grave, oh, what about the chanting? That was beautiful, so good. Yeah, you know what that did for me. It made me trust this narrator. Like she's not just saying I grew up in this world, she's embodied it. She's saying in Hebrew Hardcore, that was cool, hardcore. Yeah, I love that. I had not heard the chanting yet, so that was exciting. And then, okay, she puts candy, covers it with a leaf, and then the sister's like you're walking on, mommy, I love the candy. Oh, so good, I know so good. Okay, then what did you think about the handling of the Helen Keller moment?
0:13:58 - Speaker 4
So I thought she admits like yeah, we're assholes, but just seeing her, you know, and seeing her sister do the same thing gave them a bond right. And I think that's true in many situations. When you know siblings or friends or whatever break a rule, there's like a bond, and I got it that way. It brought up a lot of that for me. So did I judge her? No, because that's just what we do. I mean, it felt very Seinfeld-esque.
0:14:27 - Speaker 3
You know what? What's interesting is, I think you're so right about like two people who are really close even though they are at odds with each other. They're really close their sisters, now their grandmothers, like they. Every single year they meet here, like they have history, and so, within the context of that world, they're allowed to make fun, like there's an understanding between them that they're not really saying or doing anything mean in regards to someone like Helen Keller. But then, on the other hand, there was this little part in the narrator's mind where she was like oh my God, my sister, who is so proper, follows all the rules, including like ones that you're not supposed to make fun of people part of Judaism and now she's doing that. She's making fun of someone who's blind and deaf. That's just wrong and it made it so right for them in that moment.
0:15:23 - Speaker 4
Yeah, well, we know Maxine because she's been taking our classes for years and years, and Maxine has a great sense of humor. She's goofy, she's fun. And, yes, she shows up in the same jeans and t-shirt every single time, Like she. That's just who she is and for this little moment, her sister came to the dark side with her and there's a bond Wait are you saying that because her outfits show that she's on the dark side?
Yeah, yeah, that she's not like orthodox anymore, so she's gone to the dark side, yeah, so for a second she got a tiny inkling of like approval, you know, or just bond, from the sister and I just I love that so much.
0:16:03 - Speaker 3
Because her sister came to the dark side Exactly. That's funny. Do you think our radio listeners are going to get mad because now we took this like very private moment and now it's public. I'm just wondering, will they? And if anyone gets pissy at us, let us know we're open. Yeah, sure Piss on us.
Go ahead. Yeah, piss on us. Amazing how this specific moment told this whole story about two sisters, one already on the dark side, the other one coming over. Love it, I love how you see it that way. That's cool. He likes the pain.
0:16:46 - Speaker 2
I eat. I don't get jaded. I work too hard. I want to be famous. I never let my guard down. I think what had happened was I thought it'd bring us happiness.
0:17:08 - Speaker 3
Thank you, Poop, for sharing your story and thank you for listening. Writing Class Radio is hosted by me, Andrea Asplis and me, Allison Langer. Audio production by Matt Cundle, Evan Serminsky, Chloe Edmont Lane and Aiden Glassy at the SoundOff Media Company. Theme music is by Martinino Toussaint. There's more at Writing Class Radio on our website, writingclassradiocom, including stories we study, editing resources, video classes, writing retreats and live online classes. Join our writing community by following us on Patreon. If you want to write with us every week, you can join our first draft weekly writers groups. You have the option of joining Allison Langer on Tuesdays, 12th to 1 Eastern and or Eduardo Wink, Thursdays, 8 to 9 PM Eastern. You'll write to a prompt and share what you wrote. If you're a business owner or an entrepreneur or a community activist or a group that needs healing, we can help you your team, write better. Check out all of our classes on our website, writingclassradiocom.
0:18:31 - Speaker 4
We'll come to the community that comes together for instruction and excuse to write and, most importantly, the support from other writers. A new episode will drop every other Wednesday. There's no better way to understand ourselves than each other than by writing and sharing our stories. Everyone has a story. What's yours?
0:18:50 - Speaker 2
Shining like I was a ghetto bird. I don't want to leave the ghetto first, but so that I need you.
0:18:59 - Speaker 4
Produced and distributed by the Sound Off Media Company.
0:19:04 - Speaker 1
I'm Jeff Woods and I'm shining a light on music and the rock stars who make it.
0:19:08 - Speaker 2
He just was one of those people. He stood out, he was a magic guy.
0:19:11 - Speaker 4
He really was a magic guy. We all have force. He had the same amount of force as we all had. This was before Led Zeppelin Robert was full on. I mean, he was Led Zeppelin without the band behind him. He had the hair, the jeans, the whole thing, you know, and he was amazing.
0:19:25 - Speaker 1
The records at Rockstar's podcast heard around the world and yours to hear wherever you get podcasts. All the episodes from Jeff Woods Radio at JeffWordsRadio.com.
