Show Notes Episode 159: Rash Decisions

Today on our show, we bring you a story by student Kim Costigan. Kim wrote this story while on our December 2022 writing retreat in Key Largo. This story crushed us and made us love Kim even more. What I want you to listen for is the anecdote at the end. This is one of our favorite ways to end a story. It shows how the narrator has been impacted by the situation in real time. 

Kim has been writing with us for a few years now, and Kim is the perfect example of someone who started green and practiced her way to perfection. Her writing and her vulnerability have come further than almost any student we’ve had. Some people think you can’t teach vulnerability, what we call heart, but we know you can.

Kim Costigan is a writer in Winthrop, pursuing a master’s degree in creative writing at Emerson College. She’s also a star at Karaoke. 

This story may not be appropriate for children or those sensitive to child abuse. 

Writing Class Radio is hosted by Allison Langer and Andrea Askowitz. Audio production by Matt Cundill, Evan Surminski, Chloe Emond-Lane, and Aiden Glassey at the Sound Off Media Company. Theme music is by Justine Shandler.

There’s more writing class on our website including stories we study, editing resources, video classes, writing retreats, and live online classes. Join our writing community by following us on Patreon. 

If you want to write with us every week, you can join our First Draft weekly writers groups. You have the option to join me on Tuesdays 12-1 ET and/or Thursdays with Eduardo Winck 8-9pm ET. You’ll write to a prompt and share what you wrote. If you’re a business owner, community activist, group that needs healing, entrepreneur and you want to help your team write better, check out all the classes we offer on our website, writingclassradio.com.

Join the community that comes together for instruction, an excuse to write, and the support from other writers. To learn more, go to www.Patreon.com/writingclassradio. Or sign up HERE for First Draft for a FREE Zoom link.

A new episode will drop every other WEDNESDAY. 

There’s no better way to understand ourselves and each other, than by writing and sharing our stories. Everyone has a story. What’s yours?

If you would like a transcript of the episode read below:

0:00:01 - Speaker 1

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0:00:42 - Speaker 4

I'm Andrea Askowitz, I'm Allison Langer, and this is Writing Class Radio. You'll hear true personal stories and learn how to write your own stories. Together, we produce this podcast, which is Equal Parts Heart and Art. By heart we mean the truth in a story and by art we mean the craft of writing. No matter what's going on in our lives, writing Class is where we tell the truth. It's where we work out our shit. There's no place in the world like Writing Class, and we want to bring you in.

0:01:11 - Speaker 3

Today on our show we bring you a story by student Kim Costigan. Kim Costigan is a writer in Winthrop, Massachusetts, pursuing a master's degree in creative writing at Emerson College. She's also a star at Karaoke.

0:01:28 - Speaker 4

Oh my God, the dancing. She was at her retreat in December and like she had the best hip movements and you got to. I think there's a video on the website, so check it out.

0:01:37 - Speaker 3

Can not wait to do Karaoke with Kim Costigan again. Amazing. It's so funny because she seems shy. But you just got to get a little music going and that woman busts open.

0:01:51 - Speaker 4

Oh, loved it. Yeah Well, she's been writing with us for a few years now and I remember when she came to class Do you remember Mm-hmm? She was kind of buttoned up, a little bit reserved, you know, like me, probably writing about her dog. Yeah, she's actually a really good example of somebody who started pretty green and practiced her way to perfection because she was dedicated. Actually, she wrote an email. That really kind of shows what being vulnerable and writing in a group and sharing has done for her.

0:02:26 - Speaker 3

Before you read that, I want to say that I mean some people say that you can't teach vulnerability or like you can't teach the heart Part of what we're talking about when we say heart and heart like getting to the truth, writing your vulnerability but I think Kim Costigan shows us that you actually can with practice and writing and coming to like first draft and just writing to a prompt over and over with a group. You I've seen it so many times. Kim Costigan is a great example of just getting better and better at writing her truth. So, yeah, let's hear the letter. She wrote us a letter.

0:03:05 - Speaker 4

So it actually just came in today, which I swear is like you know. She didn't know we were recording today. I hope Kim doesn't get missy of that. We're sharing it, kim, are you okay if we share it? Thanks, kim, we're about to share it. You and Andrea are my all time favorite teachers and I love meeting the other writers who join your classes. We almost always get each other in ways other people might not. Thank you for always providing a safe space for us to tell our stories. I think it's important work. Remember how fucked up it used to be when everyone hid the truth and pretended everything was okay. You guys are helping to change that. And I wrote back like yeah, I remember. I remember when I was like busy, exhausted, hiding all my shit underneath the facade. It was exhausting.

0:03:52 - Speaker 3

And her story that we're about to hear, that you're gonna hear after the break, really does show a change when people used to pretend everything was okay and a moment when that pretending stopped.

0:04:06 - Speaker 4

So Kim wrote this story wall at our December Writing Retreat in Key Largo and this story literally this story made me love Kim 100 times more. I'd already liked her I didn't really know her that well and then she came to the retreat and shared this and I was like fucking, this girl is like a rock star. So what I want you to listen for when you listen to her story is what happens at the very end and how this story takes you on a journey and then gives you a very satisfying ending. So many times you read a whole story and at the end you're like what? And I'm pissed. I'm super pissed because now somebody's wasted my time that I've invested, and I'm like they didn't do anything for me.

But she really did satisfy me and it shows how the narrator has been impacted by a situation in real time. So she didn't cop out and just kind of throw something out there that maybe didn't even have anything to do with the story. She showed us how the narrator changed, how the people in the story changed, how things changed for her. Anyway, I just want to warn anybody out there who's listening with children that maybe this isn't the best thing to be listening to with your child right now. Maybe listen to it first and then see if it's appropriate Back with Kim Story after the break.

0:05:24 - Speaker 3

Hey, writers, for the last 45 years I've been going to tennis clinics to practice forehand, backhand serves. What does this have to do with writing? Well, practice I've learned in the last 45 years is what it takes to get good at anything, and that's why writing class radio hosts a tips clinic, a writing tips clinic. We do this every second Saturday so that we can all practice going to scene, writing like we speak, omitting these words, everything that it takes to become great, or at least better, at writing. So join us every second Saturday from 12 noon to one Easter time on Zoom. To join, go to writingclassradiocom and click the link for the tips clinic. It's $10 and, believe me, it's a lot cheaper than a tennis clinic. See you there. Hey, listener, there's a new podcast that I love. It's hosted by one of my favorite teachers, amper Petty.

0:06:33 - Speaker 5

It's called Don't Wait to Write is a new podcast to help you write more and worry less, with short weekly episodes with writing exercises and ways to get through. Though why do I suck so bad voices that love to pop up on a blank page? Plus, I talk about how Snooki helped me get into the New York Times. So that's fun. Listen now to Don't Wait to Write.

0:06:56 - Speaker 3

We're back. This is Andrea Askowitz and you're listening to Writing Class Radio. Up next is Kim Costigan reading her story rash decisions.

0:07:15 - Speaker 2

The rash first appeared just before I turned 12. We were heading to Vermont with plans to share a large ski chalet with another family for a week. My sister and I couldn't wait to wear our new matching pajamas and sleep in bunk beds our first vacation ever. My mom's friend, kate, had borrowed the chalet from her boss, kate, and her husband, larry's children were a little younger than me and my sister. We loved it when the two families got together for barbecues and parties. Larry and Dad spent time together as beer-guzzling drinking buddies. My father the mean drunk, larry the loud drunk.

That summer of 1977 was hot, but we barely noticed the humidity. Because we were so happy to be going on vacation At the chalet, we shared dinners from the grill and floated along the current on inner tubes down a spring-fed river. On the fourth day we decided to go on a hike. Kate's boss told her about a hike that we might all enjoy. He told her at the end of the trail we'd find Shangri-La. He described flowing mountain streams, wild flowers and a canopy of trees.

On the day of the hike, kate recommended I wear long sleeves and pants to keep bugs and burrs off. The temperature rose as we did. We climbed the barely marked rough trail and I regretted wearing such heavy clothes. I was sweating and growing more uncomfortable. We pushed aside overgrown branches and weeds and kept going toward the promised land. I just knew there would be fresh stream water to drink and we would soon be sitting under a shady tree. It couldn't be much longer.

Our odyssey to paradise was near its end when I began to really itch. Any sign of a problem was covered up by my long sleeves. We finally arrived, but all we saw was tall, hay-like yellow grass. We looked around. Was this a shared delusion or had we all been duped? There was no water, no flowers, no paradise, only a dry grassy field, no stand of shade trees. Someone from the group asked if we should keep going, but no one had the energy or desire to walk any further and see if anything was beyond the barren blazing field. We were all sweaty and tired. We headed back down the trail, back to the chalet and back to reality. I was thirsty and hungry. Everyone was.

The further back down the trail we walked, the more I scratched my forearms through my shirt. Finally, at the trailhead, I pushed up my sleeves and saw hundreds of small red bumps all over my arms. I showed my mother and Kate. They looked at my arms and agreed it was probably a heat rash. Calamine lotion would stop the itching. We arrived back at the chalet and I peeled my clothes off, hopping into a cool shower. Both arms and the backs of my legs were covered in itchy bumps and I couldn't help scratching. The more I scratched, the more they seemed to multiply. The rash was growing. My sister and I were experiencing our first real vacation and I didn't want the fun to end. I wasn't going to let a rash stop me from soaking up every moment, but we would have to leave early, not because of my rash, which seemed to be getting worse, but because of what happened on the last night there.

My father and Larry behaved as expected, drinking nightly until they were drunk. Each night became louder and wilder than the one before. On the final evening my father and Larry were drunk and arguing. My father wanted back to the bedroom he and my mother had occupied. He came back into the living room holding something in his hand. Look what I found. He said he was waving a handgun he'd found in the closet. We all screamed Put that away. Larry demanded Suddenly sober. My mother and Kate yelled at him to stop Us. Kids were all reeling out of the room, crying and screaming. My mother begged him to put the gun away. My heart was pounding as I hid around the corner and I craned my neck to try to see what was happening. I was sure I'd hear a gunshot at any moment. Somehow the other adults convinced my father to put the gun back and go to bed.

The next morning Kate told my mother we had to go. The fighting, the gun, the nonstop drug goodness, was too much excitement for even the most hardened of dysfunctional families, even if they were good friends. My mother told us to pack quickly. We were going home. My father, still drunk from the night before, had a can of Schlitz for breakfast. As we packed the car, my mother would have to drive.

As soon as we drove away, they started fighting. Dad began with his usual name calling bitch cunt, stupid fat. As my mother tried to focus on driving down the country road, the fighting escalated as she drove through the nearby city toward the highway back to Massachusetts. Only fists were flying. My father landed the first blow to the side of my mother's head. She tried to fight back keeping one hand on the steering wheel. The car swerved. With each attack my sister and I were screaming in terror from the back, begging my father to stop. My father swung his foot over the driving console and onto my mother's foot, pressing his foot down on top of her foot, which was on the gas pedal. He pressed down hard. The car accelerated faster. It felt like he was trying to kill us all. The car jerked as my mother tried to pull her foot away from the pedal. She managed to pull the car over and shifted it into park.

By chance or divine intervention, my mother had somehow pulled into the parking spaces in front of a police station. She threatened to go inside and report him. She convinced him that we had to get home and he had to let her drive. I was scratching my arms as I sobbed, adrenaline and overwhelming panic rushing through my body. While I spent the rest of the miserable ride home keeping an eye on my father. No-transcript. She looked back at us and unconvincingly said we'll be okay. I wanted to believe her, but I knew she was lying to herself and to us. My father passed out and the rest of the long ride home was quiet. When we got home, my mother took me to the pediatrician. The doctor asked my mother if I had come across poison ivy, any new food, shellfish, any laundry detergent. Then she asked my mother if anything at home would cause me a lot of stress. I stared at my mother, waiting to see what she would say. Tears began to well in her eyes and she said yes, there is.

0:15:24 - Speaker 4

Wow, I am sick. This story is so well written from the voice of a kid and what this narrator went through that it really hit me. We've heard this story. It was workshopped at our writing retreat in December of 2022. It's not like the first time I've heard it, but it feels like just hearing it out again. It's just really her voice, the whole thing.

0:16:03 - Speaker 3

It's brutal, it is yeah it is One thing that I love about it is the through line. She never stopped bringing up the rash. It's weird because we heard it in December, but this time I was like wait, what is the rash about? I was wondering that throughout the landing told us this isn't just a story about. This is a great example of the situation and the story. Really it's like this traumatic vacation happened and I got this rash. But what this rash really means is I've been dealing with so much stress at home. Damn the mom. Cool, cool mom. What a badass. The way we see her Driving and pulling into a police department. That was interesting. Then she told the truth at the end.

0:17:05 - Speaker 4

It's also just so effective the way she gives tiny details. There's tension. For me the tension was there the whole time with this rash. Is that going to ruin her trip? But then we see, oh, it's not, but something else is. Then we see the gun and the drunk it was just a lot and then they get in the car and there's like more tension and now I feel like it's like very meta, like I'm living her life with her, so of course it's going to give her a rash Very, very good show and tell True.

0:17:40 - Speaker 3

I thought from the very beginning she sort of set up this the way that you're saying it tension. But she set up this beautiful vacation scenario but mixed in with like the drinking buddies mean drunk, loud drunk like there was this ominous foreshadowing, you know, like sunny, sunny day and something really bad's gonna happen. She did that. I mean the whole, like the way that she described the hike too, like they were all looking for this Shangri-La and then it was horrible. Can't you just imagine a little kid also like wearing like jeans and a sweater or something and it's fucking hot, and then, not knowing how to deal with that, I felt her 100% yeah.

0:18:33 - Speaker 4

Yeah, let's talk about the ending. Ending's your favorite part? It really is, because we're reading this whole thing, we're in her life, we're in her story, we're in on the trip, we're in the car, the whole thing. And I'm like, why is she telling us the story Same as what you were saying, like why are we hearing about this rash? And then, at the end, when they're at the doctor, we're like, oh gosh, is the mom gonna say, or is this gonna be a secret? That's ongoing and this poor girl is gonna be enduring, enduring, enduring. But the way it ends, with the mom speaking up and saying that there is a problem at home, it's true, gives us hope.

0:19:14 - Speaker 3

Yeah, it was like someone saw through it. This doctor was really interesting, because I wouldn't. That was surprising. I wouldn't think a doctor would just treat the rash, but this doctor took a step like a big step, like stepped into their private lives. And this was 19,. She told us 1977.

0:19:37 - Speaker 4

I mean it's possible he had seen some sort of a pattern over the years, but didn't wanna push and push and so maybe just asking the question and having somebody ask and somebody answer was, and then I'm dying to know where how this turns out, like what happens to this narrator after that. You know, I wanna read the whole book. Honestly, I know she's writing a book. Right, she's writing a book, she is. Yeah, yeah, she is. She's definitely we're not gonna let her get away with, not Cause there is a book and there's so many people that will hear this and thank God I have to speak up.

0:20:15 - Speaker 3

I'm really proud of the mother in that moment, proud of the doctor.

0:20:19 - Speaker 4

And I'm so proud of her for sharing. Thank you guys for listening and thank you, kim Costigan, for sharing your story. Really, you brought Alice in down. I know, yeah, super, super, really amazing writing, amazing vulnerability. Just you know, having the nerve to share something this personal is fucking huge and we're proud of you, kim, thank you, and thank you for sharing it with us. ["i'm so Done"].

Writing class radio is hosted by me, Allison Langer and me, Andrea Askowitz. Audio production is by Matt Cundle, Evan Serminsky, Chloe Emol Lane and Aiden Glassy at the Sound Off Media Company. The music is by Justina Chandler. There's more writing class on our website, writingclassradiocom, including stories we study editing resources, video classes, writing retreats and live online classes. Join our writing community by following us on Patreon. If you wanna write with us every week, you can join our first draft weekly writers group. You have the option to join me on Tuesdays, 12 to one Eastern Time, or Eduardo Wink, Thursdays, eight to nine PM Eastern Time. You'll write to a prompt and share what you wrote. And if you're a business owner, entrepreneur, community activist, group that needs healing or you just want your team to write better, we can help. Check out all the classes we offer on our website, writingclassradiocom, Join the community that comes together for instruction, an excuse to write and, most importantly, the support from other writers. A new episode will drop every other Wednesday.

0:22:08 - Speaker 3

There's no better way to understand ourselves and each other than by writing and sharing our stories. Everyone has a story. What's yours so? Just our showtime.

0:22:20 - Speaker 4

Produced and distributed by the Sound Off Media Company.

0:22:25 - Speaker 6

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